Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
