bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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