Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
