You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
