I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
