Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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