Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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