I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
