my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
