Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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