Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
