It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
