fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize