So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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