Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
