1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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