at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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