ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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