I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
