WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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