Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
