my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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