Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
FUCK WHALES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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