You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
