Where did you get a picture of my penis
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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