I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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