i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
