there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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