If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
