i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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