Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
