bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
