Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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