Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
