We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
