Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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