You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
