Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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