I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
