I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
