I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
