Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory