things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
