oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i now understand why vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
