i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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