You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
