i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
