somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
