Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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