Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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