So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
