it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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