i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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