He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
