I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You ruined the universe
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
