Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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