I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize