Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
