So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
