just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're like the curious george of whores
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
