I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
