Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
