That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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