Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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