a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
