Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
