I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
