Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
