your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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