"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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