No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
