Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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