wat bout pragnant strippers??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
