he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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