just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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