i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
