remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
