How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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