Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
