A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
