Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
