yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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